Movie Review: War of the Worlds

As always, I warn of Spoilers



The Movie in Question: The War of the Worlds

I. Plot (20 points):
Okay, the plot isn't terrible. It is anticlimatic, but the anticlimax itself is directly from the old novel, so I'm not going to fault the movie that. But neither is it great. My big problem with the plot is the machines themselves; I have a huge problem with the fact that the machines are seemingly built to target specifically humans, yet they were supposedly placed on Earth long long ago, say, before humans evolved to this point? Wow, can the aliens see into the future? You'd think if they could do that they'd see how everything was going to turn out, what with the Earth sickness and everything...
Part I Total: 10 points

II. Acting (20 points):
I'm going to be lenient on the acting here for a very specific reason: that I wasn't thinking of Scientology the entire time. Somehow Tom Cruise managed to make me forget about that for a little while, so I give him some points. Also Tim Robbins somehow managed to be scarier than the big tripod-things. Nice. However, I am sick of Dakota Fanning being in more movies than Jude Law, so minus five points there.
Part II Total: 15 points

III. Characters (20 points):
I didn't care about any of these characters, and I felt the whole thing with the son, the whole "You have to let me go, I have to see this" thing, was really contrived and unnecessary. The whole deadbeat dad to hero thing was an interesting premise but I felt like the follow-through was haphazard, and then they magically all loved each other again at the end. Weee...
Part III Total: 5 points

IV. Various Effects (20 points):
This is where the strength of the movie is, the visuals and sound are fantastic, and the pacing is very good. The suspense is almost too much at times, you kind of get sick of the running, oh we're safe, no we're not, let's run some more, now we're safe, oh we're wrong again! thing...but all and all I thought it was pieced together pretty well. The best scene was that one where the first tripod comes out, that whole sequence with the buildings and windows shattering and the road cracking and then the tripod coming out was great. And the tripods themselves, they were pretty glorious; I know I'm gonna be making that BAAAAM-buuuum noise for weeks
Part IV Total: 20 points

V. Personal Modifiers (20 points):
Va. Wanton Cartoony Violence (2 points): 2 points
Vb. Morgan Freeman Factor (2 points): 2 points
Morgan Freeman voiceover...nice
Vc. Psuedo-Social Commentary (2 points): 1 point
I'm not going to count this fully, because the old movie made a commentary on nuclear war that was distinctly absent in this one, but I did like it when the little girl screamed "Is it the terrorists?!"
Vd. Ewan McGregor Factor (2 points): 0 points
Ve. Smarminess/Wittiness (2 points): 1 point
"This is something else." "What, Europe?"
Vf. Liam Neeson Factor (2 points): 0 points
Vg. Gary Oldman Factor (2 points): 0 points
Vh. Kilt Factor (2 points): 0 points
Vi. Christopher Walken Factor: 0 points
Vj. Definitive Line of Dialogue (2 points): 1 point
I'm not giving the full score here because while "For neither do men live nor die in vain" is a great line, it doesn't compare to the line of the novel that says "And as I looked at this wide expanse of houses and factories and churches, silent and abandoned; as I thought of the multitudinous hopes and efforts, the innumerable hosts of lives that had gone to build this human reef, and of the swift and ruthless destruction that had hung over it all; when I realised that the shadow had been rolled back, and that men might still live in the streets, and this dear vast dead city of mine be once more alive and powerful, I felt a wave of emotion that was near akin to tears."
Part V Total: 7 points

VI. Bonus/Minus:
VIa. Other Movies I Thought Of (-1 point per movie): -3 points
1. Donnie Darko (when the plane had fallen on the house)
2. Fiddler on the Roof (when all the refugees were walking along between an old fence and a farmhouse, I kept hearing "Anatevka, Anatevka, underfed, overworked, Anatevka" in my head)
3. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (that scene where Tom Cruise comes over the ridge and sees the valley beneath covered in the red weed)
VIb. Degrees of Seperation from LOTR (1 point each): 1 point
1 degree of seperation; the mother was played by Miranda Otto, who was Eowyn in Lord of the Rings
VIc. Degrees of Seperation from Star Wars (1 point each): 3 points
3 degrees of seperation; Tom Cruise was in Vanilla Sky with Cameron Diaz, who starred in A Life Less Ordinary with Ewan McGregor who was Obi-Wan Kenobi in Episodes I through III
VId. That Stupid Effect of Liquid Hitting the Camera Like We, the Audience, are Video-Taping the Events (-2 points): -2 points
VIf. Specific Other Things that Bothered or Amused Me (+/-1 point each):
1. The BAM-bum noise. 1 point
2. Uh...why exactly was that guy's camera working in that scene with the first tripod? -1 point
3. The red weed looked exactly like liquorice, and liquorice is delicious. 1 point
4. Big. Nasty. Sphincter. Creepy-factor skyrocketing. And not the good, Christopher Walken kind of creepy. More the vaguely uncomfortable, "bring out the gimp" kind. -1 point
5. Alien plays with Bicycle. Bicycle falls on Alien. Alien reacts like a toddler. 1 point
6. Aliens apparently like scrapbooking. But, you know, who doesn't?
1 point
7. Crazy Tim Robbins 1 point
8. I AM MONSTER TIP OVER BOAT AAARRRR 1 point
Part VI Total: 3 points

Total Points: 60 points

Summary: War of the Worlds wasn't the best movie I've ever seen but neither was it the worst. I actually kind of enjoyed it, and I thought it was worth seeing in the theatre. I wouldn't buy the DVD, but I might rent it for one or two viewings.